These are the signs your cat has a personality disorder:

Your cat can't muster up sufficient disdain if all nine lives depended on it!

You've repeatedly found her in the closed garage, hunched over the wheel of your running Buick.

Your cat sits for hours in fascination while listening to Bob Dole.

You've just found teeth and claw marks all over your now-empty bottles of Prozac.

She no longer licks paws clean, but washes them at the sink again and again and again...

Your cat continually scratches on the door to get in... the OVEN door.

She doesn't get Garfield, but laughs like hell at Marmaduke.

Rides in your car with its head out the window.

She's a dues-paid, card-carrying member of the Reform Party.

You realize one day that the urine stains on the carpet actually form the letters N-E-E-D T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.

She has built a shrine to Andrew Lloyd Webber entirely out of empty "9 Lives" cans.

Your cat spends all day in litterbox separating the green chlorophyll granules from the plain white ones.

After years of NPR, Helen is suddenly a Ditto-Puss.

Sullen and overweight, your sunglass-wearing cat shoots the TV with a .45 Magnum when it sees cartoon depictions of stupid or lazy felines.

Your stereo is missing, and in the corner you find a pawn ticket and 2 kilos of catnip.

and the absolute biggest sign your cat has a Personality Disorder is when she makes an attempt on "First Cat" Sock's life in a pathetic attempt to impress Jodie Foster.
- Unknown

Does Your Cat Have Problems?

Ask yourself the following questions:
Does your cat sleep 22 hours a day, and spend the other two hours in non-stop eating?

Does your cat take frequent naps in annoying places, such as in the center of the dinner table, in the kitchen sink, or on top of your freshly-cleaned-of-hair (and favorite) bedspread?

Is your cat selfish? Conceited? Arrogant? Aloof? Insensitive?

Does he wake you up in the middle of the night and refuse to stop meowing until you accompany him to his food bowl to watch him eat?

Does your cat tear down holiday decorations? Does he destroy any stuffed toy or cat-sized household ornament which might be misconstrued as his competition?

Does your cat perceive himself to be sole owner of all property? Does he often show disdain for your taste, or act as if you are an embarrassment to him?

If you answered "yes" to most of these questions... Relax, your cat is normal.