Enjoy these funny poems for Thanksgiving

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the kitchen
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest,
This place is a disaster, just look at this mess!

Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed!
They expect all the trimmings, who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs,
The dog just knocked over a bowlful of eggs.

There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He heaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"

He looks all around and with total regret,
Say's "What's takin' so long?
Aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash, I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!

He flees from the room in terror and pain,
And screams "my God woman, you're going insane!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh, jeeze, it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!

I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
But I put them on broil instead of on bake!
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.

Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
They just leave me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, if I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.

I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
And if that doesn't work, I'll have it all catered!

The Night Before Thanksgiving

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving
and in my sleep,
Strange dreams in my mind,
began to creep.

Thanksgiving leftovers beckoned
the dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation
with all my might.

Tossing and turning
with anticipation,
The thought of a snack
became infatuation.

So to the kitchen I did race,
Flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge
full of goodies galore!

I gobbled up turkey
and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots,
beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling
so plump and so round
Till all of a sudden,
I rose off the ground!

I crashed through the ceiling
floating into the sky
with a mouth full of pudding
and a handful of pie

But I managed to yell
as I soared past the trees...
"Happy eating to all and
Pass the cranberries, please!"