If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

And what would chocolate be without
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Rules

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka?

Willy Wonka: [pointedly ignoring them]
I am extraordinarily busy, sir.

Grandpa Joe: [tentatively] I just wanted
to ask about the chocolate - Uh,
the lifetime supply of chocolate...
for Charlie. When does he get it?

Willy Wonka: He doesn't.

Grandpa Joe: Why not?

Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules.

Grandpa Joe: What rules?
We didn't see any rules.
Did we, Charlie?

Q. Why is there no such organization
as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.


Life is like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- Forrest Gump

The 12-step chocoholics program:
Never be more than 12 steps away
from Chocolate!
– Terry Moore