Addicted To AOL
You Might be Addicted to AOL if...
Addicted to the Web


Addicted To AOL


you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own spouses

you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"

you got your psychiatrist addicted on AOL too and are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of at his office

you use AOL lingo in everyday life

you have your puter set up so that it goes directly into AOL's welcome screen

you think about starting a 12 step recovery group for AOL junkies

you have met over 100 AOLers

Tech Support calls You for help.

Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL.

You watch T.V. with the closed cationing turned on.

You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.

You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"

Three words: Carpal tunnel syndrome.

You want to meet a girl/guy and your first impulse is to turn on your computer

you've ever gotten onto an airplane just to meet some folks face to face

you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's

You have ever joined "Si habla Espanol"(spanish chat room) "just to work on my spanish"

you go into labor and you stop to type a special e-mail letting everyone know you are going to be away

you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it

you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitolization, or complete sentences...

you begin to say hehehe instead of laughing

when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"

you find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is alseep

you turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won't know you are on-line again

you find yourself lying to others about your time on-line and when they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook

you have an identity crisis if someone else is using an s/n close to your own

you would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much instead of the truth (all night on-line)

you change s/n's so much that you have to get your profile to see who you are

you're broke, your modem burns out and you go out onto the streets to sell your body to get a new one

you open your home to 15 strangers for a week merely because they have computers and cool s/n's

your kids are standing at your side saying "mommy, please come cook dinner" and you would rather type another "LOL"

you marry your cyberboyfriend and you both sit at your won computers and chat to each other every night from across the room

you type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time

you won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved

your dog leaves you

you have to ask what year it is

you are doing things more and more that you swore you would never, ever do when you first found chat

you write a letter like this..."dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well gotta go bbl!"

you name your pets after people you talk to

you smile sideways

you sign on and immediately get 10 messages from people who have you on their buddy lists

you have a map on the wall with red thumbtacks to mark where people you have met are

you look at an annoying person off-line and wish you had your ignore button handy

you bring a bag lunch and a cooler to the puter

your significant other kisses your neck while you are chating and you think "uh oh cyber sex pervo"

you have withdrawls if you are away from the puter for more than a few hours

you take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling

your buddy list has over 100 people on it

your worst comeback to a bully is "I'll slap you with a rubber chicken."

you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get on-line before you have your first cup of coffee

you have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake

you wait 6 hours online for a certain "special" person to come home from work

you don't know where the time has gone

you end sentances with three(or more) periods while writing letters in pen/pencil

your relationship online has gone farther than any real one you have had you get up at 2am to go the bathroom but go turn on your puter

you spell things outloud instead of actually saying the word

you don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo

when you enter a room and 23 people greet you with {{{Hugs}}} or ***Kisses***

you stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme

your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n and I will TTYL"

you type faster than you think

you want to be burried with your computer when it dies...or vice versa

you actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted

you can actually read and follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your tv-screen at the end of a movie people say, if it weren't for your super reflexes in your eyes and fingers, you would have long been classified as a vegetable

you dream in text being called a newbie is a MAJOR insult there is absolutely no interesting chat any room and you are really bored....yet you don't want to leave incase you miss something

you double click your tv remote

you can now type over 70 wpm

you are on the phone for a minute and need to do something else you say "BRB" or "BBL"

you check your e-mail and forget you have real mail aka snail mail

you go into withdrawls during dinner

you spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone in a room

you stop speaking in full sentances

you have gone into an unstaffed tech support room and ended up "giving" tech support to other AOLers

you have to be pried from your computer with the Jaws-of-Life

your last sexual experience was really just a "textual" experience you set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to "check your mail" and while you were there you "just wanted to see who's on"

You know what http:// actually stands for.

Happily Addicted to the Web
Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland"

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy... although
My boss let me go...
Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.
Friends come by; they shake me,
Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!


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